


Never Let Go

by Doctors_Imzadi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctors_Imzadi/pseuds/Doctors_Imzadi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean reminds Jamie that no matter how painful it is, even if she wished for death, there are people who will always be there for you and will always love you, even if you feel messed up beyond repair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> OFC, descriptions of major depression, suicidal thoughts and miscarriage. Please don't read if you feel such descriptions may be a trigger, or if you don't like OC's.

Jamie slammed the door and turned away from it. She fought to keep breathing. It had been years since she’d had a depressive episode this bad, and she thought she had beaten those particular demons. Now, however, she saw how foolish a thought that was. She should have known better. All she had ever managed to do was fail. She’d failed her parents, failed her friends, failed her now ex-fiance, failed the twins she’d miscarried, and now had failed the last of her family who had ever seemed to give a shit. She hated herself for breaking down like this. She was supposed to be stronger than that. Just another failure in her life of failures.

“Jamie?”

Sam was looking for her. The Winchesters still seemed to care, but she knew it would only be a matter of time until they turned away, too. She closed her eyes tight and prayed that Sam wouldn’t find her. She heard the outer door close and felt a moment of relief, assuring herself that he had probably gone to look for her in her favorite hollow out in the woods nearby. She thanked her lucky stars that Dean was out. At least he wouldn’t have to see her fall apart so badly. She struggled to take a breath through her tears. She had to leave; had to leave for their sakes. She couldn’t bear it if she hurt them, or disappointed them. Yeah, they might be upset that she walked away, but they’d get over it quick enough. And once they’d had time to adjust, well… maybe then she would take the final step to end her pain.

  
She vaguely heard other people as they came and went from the cabin-style motel. She forced herself to take a few breaths; every one of them was an agony. She would pack a few things, and quickly, and maybe with a little luck, she could be gone before Sam got back.

“Hey.”

The whisper almost made her jump out of her skin. She felt a potent flush of anger and embarrassment at having been caught in such a state. She whirled around, ready to put the fear of God into whatever jackass couldn’t mind their own damned business. When she saw who it was, she felt her heart catch in her throat.

“Dean?” Her voice broke.

He stared at her, and the pain she’d been fighting overwhelmed her. _Oh God, no_ , she thought. Her tears welled up once again, realizing that now Dean would see what a mess she really was. He would leave, as everyone she had ever loved or trusted had left her. Not that she blamed him in the least. No one deserved to have to deal with someone as messed up in the head as she was. She stood there in silence, paralyzed by fear, just waiting for him to tell her to go take a flying leap. She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the affection in his melt away, replaced by the disgust and frustration he had to be feeling now. She held her breath, even that basic function becoming too painful. She wished she could just be struck by lightning, rather than have to endure Dean asking her to go away.

Except he didn’t.

Before Jamie could take a painful, shuddering breath, he’d crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her to him, holding her so tight it was painful. He cradled his head against hers, caressing her hair in the way he knew she loved. He said nothing, just holding her, shushing her sobs soothingly. She didn’t want to be reassured; she had to leave, before she made an even bigger mess of things. She struggled against his arms, which only made him tighten his grip all the more.

“I am not letting you go,” he whispered, still cradling his head against hers, still caressing her hair. She found herself calming in spite of herself. Dean could always calm her. Could always take away her pain, no matter how great. He held her body tight against his, saying no more, letting his embrace give testament that, while she may have lost others, she still had _him_. _He_ still cared. Still loved her. Would always love her.

Jamie took a deep breath, feeling herself melt into Dean’s strong embrace. Her tears still flowed, but now they were easy, not painful. Her heart slowly transitioned from pain caused by loss and loneliness, to feeling so much love that it was painful.

Dean sensed the shift, and pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. He caressed her face, and gently kissed her forehead. “No running,” he whispered softly. “No hiding, no leaving us. No leaving _me_. Do you really think that you’re any more screwed up than Sam or I? We all break down now and then, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s why we have each other. We pull each other back from the darkness. We might not like having to have others see us break down, but it’s just fear. Fear of being hurt even more, when we’re so horribly vulnerable. But it’s when we’re so vulnerable, that we can learn who really cares. The ones who stick with you, even when you hate yourself. Especially when you hate yourself.” He pulled her tight once more. “I’m not going anywhere, Jamie. And I’m not letting you go, either. I need you, whether you want to believe that or not. You still have us. You still have _me_. You will always have me.”

Jamie hugged him tight. He was right; she still had the brothers. She still had _Dean_. He cared about her, loved her, even though he now knew full well just how messed up she was. He didn’t care. He _loved her_. He would never leave her, and neither would Sam. She may have lost almost everyone else in her life, but she still had, and would always have, the Winchesters. And she knew that that was enough.


End file.
